The Three Little Pigs

Retold by Elizabeth

Once upon a totally freaky time, there were, like, three little pigs named; Food, Mood, and Dude. One day Food, Mood and Dude’s mom, like, told them, “Yo! My cool little piggiess, it’s time for you to go, like, out into the jamin’ world.”

“What, mom of the hip world? We get to, like, live on our own?”

“Yes my little piggiess, you get to, like, live on your own.”

“Like, thanks mom.”

“Like, you’re welcome you guys. Now I can, like, watch that twelve-hour exercise video I’ve always wanted to watch.”

So the next few days, the little pigs packed, like, all of their things, and, like totally, moved out of their mom’s house.

So, um, one day Food was jiving in the Market Square when he saw a totally jumping-jamming Rabbit who was, like, um, selling some horsehair. Food asked Rabbit if he could have a hundred pounds of his horsehair. Rabbit said, “Of course you can have it, I don’t want it.”

“Like thanks Dude,” Food said. So he went and built his house of horsehair. One day, Food was sitting in his new horsehair house reading when the Big Bad Wolf came and knocked on his horsehair door. “Who is it?” asked Food.

“Little pig, little pig, like, let me in!”

“Not by the hair on my feetsey feet,” he said.

“Then I’ll huff, like totally, and I’ll puff-to-cool, and I’ll blow your horsehair house down.” Just as the Big Bad Wolf was about to demolish Food’s house, he jammed out of, like, his house of horsehair and ran to find his bro’, Mood.

When Food found Mood, he was, like, in the Market Square. Food told Mood about the wolf and the horsehair disaster. Mood was shocked. So, Food and Mood looked for something else to build their house out of. They were walking along when they saw Big Bear, like, haulin’ a big cart of fishbones (they were BIG fish bones). Food and Mood, like, asked Big Bear haulin’ fishbones if they could have some. The bear said, “Yo! Dudes, you can have as much as your little pigs hearts desire.” So Food and Mood built, like, a house out of fishbones.

One day Food and Mood were eatin,’ like, some chicken tenders with some jivin’ fries when they were, like, ohmygod, your dad did what? Stay on the subject you stupid author. Okay, they were, like, eating when the Big Bad Wolf came and knocked on their door. “Who is it?” they asked.

“Little pigs, little pigs, like, let me in.”

“Not by the hairs on our feetsey feet feet.”

“Then I’ll huff, like totally, and I’ll puff-to-cool, and I’ll blow your fishbone house down.” Just as the wolf was about to demolish their fishbone house they jammed out of there and ran to find Dude.

When they found Dude, he was in the Market Square. They told him about the wolf, the horsehair house and the fishbone house. Dude was SHOCKED. They were walking along when they, like, saw Hip Beaver who was, like, selling a large load of stones. Food, Mood and Dude asked, like totally, if they could have the load of stones.
Hip Beaver said, “Of course you freaky dudes can have them, I like, don’t want them.”

“Like, thanks dude.” Food, Mood and Dude set off to build a house of stones.

One day, they were sitting in their new stone house, singing, like, freakily “Old MacDonald,” when the Big Bad Wolf, like, knocked on the door.

“Little pigs, little pigs, like let me in.”

“Not, like, by the hair on our feetsey feet, feet.”

“Then I’ll huff, like totally, and puff-to-cool and I’ll blow your house down.” So, like, the wolf huffed, like totally, and puffed-to-cool but, like, couldnt blow the house of stones down.

While the wolf tried to blow the house down, the three pigs poured some boiling water into a humungus pot and put it in the fireplace. While the pigs were busy with the boiling water gig, the wolf climbed onto the roof of the stone house. When he got to the chimney he slid down and . . .LANDED IN THE POT OF BOILING HOT WATER! The wolf screamed and ran out da door and ran into the forest.

Now every night the wolf howls because, like totally, his butt hurts! As for the pigs, they lived happily ever after in their, like, house of stones.


Moral: Think like a pig, not like a big, mean wolf.

Click here to download The Three Pigs story by Elizabeth.

Click here to read Jesse's story of the Three Hogs.