The Three Little Hogs and the Big Bad Wolf

Retold by Jesse

Once upon a time there were three little hogs; their names were Ham, Bacon and Sausage. They lived with their totally groovy mother in a big forest.

One awesome day their groovy mother told them to go out into the world, to build their houses, marry a pig and have piglets.

The three little hogs said goodbye to their groovy mother and then they started crackin’.

On their way, the three little hogs were discussing what to make their awesome houses out of. While they were walking they saw a Newt selling soda straws. He said, “Yo! Bros! Want some straws?”

“Sure,” said Ham. The next day, Ham was done making his straw house.

A wolf came trotting down the road and came to Ham’s straw house. He knocked on the straw door and said, “Oh, little bro, can I come in your gnarly house? It’s way cold out here.”

“No! Not by the straws of my awesome housee-house-house.”

“Well then, I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your straw house down!” The wolf huffed and puffed and he blew the straw house down. Then the wolf snatched up little Ham in a bag and took him to his cave where he had a party with BBQed Ham.

Meanwhile, Bacon and Sausage were walking when they saw a snail selling tennis rackets. He said, “Yo! Dudes, want some rackets?”

“Sure,” said Bacon.

Bacon finished his house of rackets in a day. The wolf came walking up to Bacon’s new racket house. He knocked on the door and said, “Little bro, let me come in. I promise I won’t eat you. I’m not hungry.” Just as the wolf had said that, his stomach gve a big growl. Then the wolf blew Bacon’s racket house down, grabbed Bacon, put him in a sack and went home to put Bacon in a cage.

Meanwhile, Sausage was walking along when he saw a tiny ant hauling a normal-sized wheelbarrow, filled with giant crystals. Ant said, “Yo! Bro. Want some crystals?”

“Sure,” said Sausage and he started building his house of crystals. As Sausage was finishing up his crystal house, the wolf came walking down the road. The wolf saw Sausage inside his house and so he knocked on the crystal door and said, “Let me come in you little chunk of meat!”

“No way!” Shouted Sausage. Then the wolf huffed and he puffed and he blew---but the crystal house didn’t fall down. The wolf blew three more times but the crystal house did not fall down. Now the wolf was getting frustrated. He got an axe and he smashed the crystal door down. He went inside, threw Sausage in the pot over the fire and waited until Sausage was ready to eat.

While Sausage was cooking, the wolf went back to his cave, unlocked the door to Bacon’s cage, grabbed him and put him in a sack. The wolf brought Bacon to Sausages house and threw him in the pot too. When Bacon and Sausage were ready to eat, the wolf decided he’d live in Sausage’s crystal house. That night the wolf enjoyed smoked Bacon and Sausage so much, he invited three other wolves to come over for dinner and the wolf lived happily ever after.